Missing Papa already

Papa Long just left for the airport… headed for a work trip. As I lay in bed with Little Foot, I am acutely aware of the empty futon on the floor where he usually sleeps.

Unlike other jetsetting couples, I hate being apart from Long. The first time he went away without me after our wedding (Taiwan with his parents), I cried myself to sleep alone in our house that suddenly felt too big. He cried himself to sleep in Taiwan too.

Months later, he went to chase the aurora in Iceland without me. Again, I cried myself to sleep for days… even though I was to meet him in Paris a week later.

After that trip, we tried for Little Foot and conceived her a couple of months later. We never left each other for trips.

Our work usually don’t bring us overseas. That’s one of the things I avoid. I hate work trips. And the nature of his work don’t usually require him to travel.

This week he was given short notice to fly to Europe… so he packed last night and left tonight. Being the explorer that he is, I know he’ll be fine.

I just feel so down though…. not having him around unsettles me. This is the first time he is away from me, from us, since Little Foot came into existence. 

Sighh…mummy’s gotta be brave and survive this week. His plane hasn’t taken off and I miss him so much already.

Even Little Foot cried and screamed when we said goodbye and closed the gate.

Time to learn to stand on our own feet this week.

Come home soon,  Papa!

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Smells like biscuits

Little Foot went to bed quite early tonight. As always, she has would still wake up and cry on and off.

Tonight, I remark to Daddy Long how her hair smells like biscuits… the oh – so – familiar smell of my baby… I can’t help but smell a few more times.

Earlier today,  I went back to my workplace to have a quick chat with my new supervisor. Time has flown by. Five weeks left to my return to work. Little Foot will be almost 11 months by then.

Even as I start preparing myself to return, I know even at the 11th hour, we will not be ready. Which mother is ever ready really?

Thinking of how she will keep waiting for me to come home for her next feed and I fail to appear at the door is heart-wrenching already. :'(:'(:'(

A part of me don’t want to stop latching because time is running out. Another part of me (the rational one) tells me I should at least get her used to regularly using the milk bottle again in the day time.

Sighhh…. I will really miss my biscuit-smell baby when I am back at work.

Separation anxiety is real. And it applies to mum and baby equally. Where has all the time gone??

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I will miss all the lame “we are so bored at home, let’s take a wefie” moments with her.

Yet even at such low moments,  I must remind myself that I had 6 months more than most of my mummy friends to spend with my little one. I hope the bond we’ve built in this time will last us a lifetime. I really hope so.