it’s been almost 2 weeks since Little Foot fell ill.
So one day, I woke up and found myself with a crabby feverish toddler, who was already very clingy since she started school, and starting to display terrible two behaviour.
Not fun for sure.
We battled 9 days of fever bouts, somewhat like a roller coaster… with three visits to the PD. There were the days when Papa couldn’t be there (and couldn’t handover the car), so we took cab. PD finally found out from the blood tests that it was mycoplasma infection (it sounds more horrible than it really is).
Saying I was worried & emotionally exhausted felt like the understatement of the year.
Poor Little Foot had to endure all the medicine sessions, had to be disappointed when we say no, she can’t go out to play with the next door korkor and meimei. She had no appetite, rejected her milk bottles. She just wanted to keep directly latching (God knows how much milk I have left in me!).
And then there were all her tantrums, brought on by the discomfort from the bug. On three occasions, I lost my cool and shouted at her.
And then there were the “test my boundary” antics. She got a smacking on the calf from me for purposely pouring the green tea bottle contents all over the floor.
AND she was super clingy to me. I took leave to bring her to the doctor, ran home when the fever persisted. Every moment I was in the same space physically, she wanted to make sure I was in line of sight and preferred to plaster herself to me, or act like a baby koala.
As I described to my friends, her love really overwhelmed me.
There were moments in the last 2 weeks that I wished I could return to life before baby (I hear some exclamations of “Nooo…no good mamas ever say that! ” but Harlow, I am human). The banging outside the toilet door with her calling put “MAMEEE…. MAMEEE….!!!” would jolt me back to reality.
Thankfully, there were also pockets of funny, cute or heartmelting moments from her which would smack any wish for my old life back out of my head.
“Just a little while more…” I told myself as I gave her all my time, attention, energy and love… “Just a little while more…”
Just give her a little while more, because one day, she won’t want or need me like this anymore. Then, I will miss my little no. 1 fan. Then, I wouldn’t regret that I didn’t hold her just a while longer and a hug her a tad tighter.
The fever finally went away since Saturday, and she’s on the road to recovery.
This week, Little Foot went back to school. After such a long break, we had to start the adjustment all over again…. yet again, she is clinging madly to me, and would randomly cry for no reason. Emo!
Let’s hope things get better…. while my heart and my sanity is being tested day after day.
On the bright side, finally the medicine worked on her. And maybe I can finally get some rest. (One can always dream.)
P.s. as I looked through my photo gallery, I realised that we did manage to get some very nice activities done during the moments when the fever was at bay. I’m glad we tried to keep her happy and entertained meaningfully.
It really takes a lot of courage and conviction to be a parent, and I am still being trained and tested everyday.
Parenthood really is a lifetime project filled with flying spanners and fireworks.
With the benefit of hindsight, it is a good thing that we took a long long time deliberating whether that parenthood would be our kind of gig, so we can’t really say we jumped in blindly. Everytime I feel like I am running on empty, I remind myself that we agreed to hold hands and take this leap of faith together, and that come what may, we will always try to be the best that we can be for our child.