Our precious Little Foot has reached her fourth month milestone.

For some, the 4-month milestone is marked by biscuit necklaces, drumstick tasting and some other traditional rituals.

Since both sets of grandparents said there was no need to do these, but only said to get her shaved, it is a quiet day. A day that started out with an overflowing diaper, and then filled with a sweaty baby that refuses to take her naps or have a good full drink of milk. The usual routine more or less.

It leaves me with some time to think of how she has grown, and all the little and big milestones we have had since we first met the night of 6 Dec 2014. (As I write this, I’m listening to SNSD’s “Dear Mom” and about to choke on the sourish feeling in my throat).

My baby is much more smiley these days. I say “Yeeeeaaaah!” and she would grin back (most of the time). She’s starting to plaster more to me these days. Her intense eyes, unblinking, would follow my movement around the room, as if afraid that I would leave her, even for awhile. She still has her frequent grumpy moments, especially on bloated tummy days. She’s still difficult to put to sleep. And few days ago, we spotted the first signs of a tooth peeking out… sighh, moving on to more milestones.

I love every part of her, her QQ cheeks, her baby hands and baby feet, the small dimple she has when she smiles, those intense eyes that would enlarge as much as she can to look and stare, the knitted brows when she frown, the baby smell she still carries with her, the softness of her scanty baby hair which I had refused to shave when she was one month old. Even the way she cries… like a sputtering engine before launching into a full volume cry, her horse kicks and “taxi flagging” arm motions. I could go on and on.

We have received so much compliments about her cuteness, that I’m starting to feel a little “yaya papaya” these days. Strangers would walk past and remark “So cute!”.

Four month old is a ripe young age yes. We’re not in a hurry for her to grow up. Her babyness is really like sand that is slipping through my fingers, but I’m overjoyed whenever she reaches a new milestone.

So to mark this special day, I cut a little lock of her hair, for my keepsake (adding on to the evergrowing amount of her baby things that I am hoarding). Still deliberating if we should shave her. I probably will have to, but maybe just drag a few more days. Let me enjoy her sweaty hair for a few more days… the soft touch of her first hairs in my hand when I sayang her to sleep while she latches… all these I will miss. Maybe I could drag on forever. Hah!

Today is the first time I cut a lock of Little Foot’s hair

Her Daddy’s idea of a celebration – letting Little Foot try his apple. Her first contact with real food.

The cogs of the clock will keep turning and turning. Inevitably, we have to stop trying to hold on to the present as it becomes the past, that is when we will be able to enjoy the present that will be the future.

Happy times with Daddy, at Westgate on the eve of her 4th month

Little Foot’s always game to try a new carrier because Mummy loves buying them. Here’s us in a Kokadi Flip. Also on the eve of her 4th month

For now, I stare at the little lock of hair, and I feel tears welling up in me, tears of joy and sorrow all at the same time.

Parenthood is really filled with many many of these dilemmas. You want them to grow up, yet you don’t want them to grow up. I desperately just want to hold on to all the memories.

And perhaps I understand why going senile at old age would be one of the most painful things to encounter, because that would mean losing the past, all the precious memories that we take a lifetime to store.