Over the past month, Little Foot and I have been falling ill, getting better then falling ill again.
Worrisome and tiresome times.
We’ve counted 5 consecutive cases of HFMD thus far in her school, so we have been on tenterhooks, wondering if we were the next victims of the dreaded virus.
Crossing fingers that we have somehow escaped unscathed somewhat.
Perhaps all the essential oils we were diffusing and applying helped to shield her from catching it, perhaps we were just that little bit lucky.
Still, with the cough and flu came crankiness. Dealing with a tired yet resisting sleep toddler, who had skipped her afternoon naps because of vomitting bouts was completely no joke. Much less when I am also flu bugged.
But I do remember, of all things, some thing that Pink (the singer) said in and interview long ago -it went something like ” motherhood meant that you had traded tears alcohol and cigarettes with tears, snot and poo”…. a sacrifice she said was worth it.
For me at this stage, I have to add tantrums to tears, snot and poo…. to what I traded my old life for.
There are days I think about how I had traded my orchard road trips, Friday date nights, drinking sessions, movies and self-pampering lifestyle for the life of rushing home, anyhow swallowing down my dinner, reading books, singing along to “Wheels on the Bus”, helping Little Foot dress her “baby”, wiping snot, battling terrible twos tantrums and going to work feeling like the bus just ran me over some days.
All groggy in the morning
And on those days I think I am crazy.
But yet dig deep, I find that it is a purposeful existence, despite the appearance of it being a dull, mundane, unadventurous life to onlookers.
Seriously, in fact it is anything but mundane if you live the moment!
- I have sang so many kiddy songs nursery rhyme and “Happy Birthdays”, that if I had a dollar for each song I sang, we’d be on the next plane to London!
- I have gotten drenched in puke, splattered by poo, and had baby weewee drench the front of my shirt and pants in public places.
- I have done 28 months and counting of disrupted sleep since she was born.
- I have conjured up countless stories and “drama” antics just to attract/distract Little Foot as mitigation before she swings into full blown meltdowns.
- I have carried a 2.65kg tiny tot to the current 12.6kg toddler strapped to my small frame, and still counting. (These days, I tell myself… smell her hair, ignore the weight!!)
- I have received much unabashed affection from Little Foot… who now asks after me with phrases like “Mummy, you eat full full already?” Who plants kisses on my lips and give me big hugs.
- I have also received many a bruise and strained muscles from dealing with a toddler trashing around in tantrums.
I could write on and on… but my point is, I have traded my old life for this. It isn’t a basket of roses, all the time, yet it never stops to amaze me how, as a parent, I have found courage and strength to keep going and learn to enjoy it along the way.
Even if on days I lose my temper at the fussing toddler…. even on days I’m so ill or exhausted I just want to lie down and hide in my wardrobe.
I keep going.
There is only one reason. Her.
And I borrow strength from Papa Long ans Aunty Lily… between the three of us, we somehow will wing it.
And my only regret these days is not being able to be around the tears, snot, poo and tantrums more.
Hard to fathom. That’s what parenting is I suppose.
For the storms will always pass, and we ride them out anticipating the brightest rainbow that will greet us at the end of it. Your smile is my rainbow, my little one… did you know?