I decided to start this blog today, 23 weeks deep into the journey of pregnancy and impending parenthood, replacing the private blog that I have kept journallng my own life. After all, this is about the little one we are expecting, not just about me anymore. 

Today I spent my evening fretting, and I know this will be the first of many to come. That, essentially is what parents do the most – Worry. 

As the plans in my head are starting to unravel and fall apart, I found myself having to start looking at options, and alternative choices, and thinking “what else can I do? what else can work?” 

The issue here? No one to take care of the little one after maternity leave expires. 

Caregiver arrangements in Singapore is rudimentary, ill-thought out most of the time. Society seem to expect grandparents to take on the dirty diapers, or else you could get a domestic helper, or you could try depositing your kids at infant care. The issue here, I finally realise now is that most women here work, and we work very hard. This means, we end up asking others to take care of the duty that should have been ours. 

I’m given 4 months to bond with my baby, and then what? 

Overwhelmed by the hormonal changes, overwhelmed by the fact that everything doesn’t look like a perfect solution, I broke down. Yes, I am also human. 

Still months to go before the EDD in Dec, I have time to think, but I am very much aware that, whatever we choose, the person that is impacted the most would be our baby, and that is something that we cannot risk. 

Parenthood, is full of worries, full of “what ifs”… and I know, this will be one of the first of many major meltdowns to come as we raise the little one. 

P.s. It’s a girl.