Six Months Young!

June 8, 2015May 25, 2016alittlefootprint Leave a comment

Our Little Foot turned 6 months old on Saturday. I said I would mark the day with something special for her, and I think it wasn’t too much of a flop despite almost no planning… Our mini party of three started only after we attended my cousin’s baby’s full month party.

Dressed up to the nine for the day to attend baby cousin’s party

We got a swiss roll from the famous Rich & Good cake shop at Kandahar Street and I as you can see, the decorations were a mish-mash of animal toothpicks from Daiso, together with things I had painted (no time to rubber stamp and paint these days, these were found from my scrapbooking cupboard, painted when I was pregnant).

Little Foot seemed to liked the milestone card a lot more than the cake though 😛

So now we have reached 6 months, I can officially heave a sigh of relief… anytime now, if my supply dwindles, I can at least pat myself on the back and tell myself “Well done, I’ve made it this far”.

Over the past month, she’s grown more, started to blabber, flipped over (now she routinely does her roti prata moves), and has made several futile attempts to crawl. Not stable with sitting up yet, but she can sit and stand on the sofa with something propping her. And boy, has she got a temper, our feisty little girl!

Oh yes, and she also made her first overseas trip. We brought her to Hong Kong for Disneyland.

One week shy of six months, I decided to start her weaning process. So she’s had a week of organic rice cereal (1/2 tbsp with 20ml ebm), and has tasted pureed organic carrots (also mixed with ebm).So far, so good, no allergies, except that she does seem a tad bloated (although not as bad as when she was a newborn and taking formula milk). So now with food in the picture, I can be assured that she won’t starve. Still holding back on giving formula milk, although my MIL has been routinely asking us whether she has started milk powder. It is really hard explaining to the older generation that bm is better, so I just kind of stopped trying. It seems that they have this disdain about latching, and unnecessary fear that the baby would latch for many years to come. I’m not anti milk powder, just that the thought of reliving the nightmare makes me want to delay that as much as possible.

All these progress and milestones are taking place before my eyes day after day, and I’m still filled with wonder…. this not-so-tiny girl came out from my tummy! I catch myself looking at her newborn photos and videos a lot, reminding myself how far we have come over the past six months. Lots of laughter, tears, sweat, milk and loss of sleep… how we made it this far, I’m pretty stunned myself.

Thank you Little Foot for everything…

… for unbreaking my heart when you decided to directly nurse again at 40 days old after pushing me away at week #1

… for the toothless smiles you throw my way all the time

… for always searching for my face in the room, wherever you are, whoever’s arms you are in

… for learning to flip first on your left, because that’s the side you will find me at night

… for always wanting to hold my hand while you nurse

… for all the check-to-cheek, kisses and hugs you give me from the moment you open your eyes

… for the saliva-covered hands that sayangs my face each day

… for forgiving me quickly each time I cleaned your nose, or made you uncomfortable

… and so much more that you have given me, just purely by existing.

Happy 6 Months Young my love! Years later, I hope I will still be able to remember your baby sounds and baby face… your baby smell and your baby smiles…even your baby tantrums. By then, you may already have let go of my hands and be holding on to your own Little Foot’s hands. I can only imagine… 🙂

Nearing the end of the milk journey

April 26, 2015May 25, 2016alittlefootprint Leave a comment

Little Foot turned 20 weeks old yesterday… and today, we realised that as days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, she had slowly but surely outgrown colic. Today, we were pleasantly surprised when realised that she didn’t have a bloated tummy anymore.

Nothing brings more joy than knowing that the worst is over.

Happy Little Foot showing off her flat tummy this afternoon

Over the last couple of weeks, I also noticed that her appetite had increased, and suddenly, we were digging into the modest frozen milk stash we had to make sure she had enough to drink.

All the signs are showing that our days of breastfeeding are numbered.

Little Foot was only a fully breastfed baby from 2 month old, after we figured out that formula milk was adding to her tummy woes. Thankfully, somehow, there was just enough to feed her on a normal day, and on her milk strike days, we stored the excess. To Little Foot, I can only say, it was love that gave me enough determination to keep pumping, latching, trying until there was enough milk. It was love that made me wake up in the middle of the night walking like a zombie to the living room to pump while the world and my baby slept soundly.

What a long way we had come.

At 1 week old, she pushed me away and opted for milk bottles. Miraculously, at 6 weeks old she pushed away the milk bottle for the first time and wanted to latch again at the nursing room at the Baby fair in Suntec. By 2 months old – she refused her milk bottles. It was her way of telling me “Mummy, hold me tight and I’ll be fine” while the colic raged. I took on the challenge, and like my older sister said, how ironic things could be. Everyone expected me to be the cool mama who would be happy to just do “enough” and then give formula milk. Who would have known we would be in this situation that milk powder was a no no?

In the four months, I’ve seen two ends of the spectrum – mummies with too much milk (and some still unsatisfied and keep listening out for and loading up on foods that could bring up supply), and mummies like me, who have too little milk, with some stopping as early as the first couple of weeks.

To both ends of the spectrum, I can only say, time will equalise everything. Certainly, there will be a time when the milk runs dry, and we are no longer judged by whether we are breastfeeding mums or not. Then, we will be judged on other things – time and effort spent on our child – not judged by something that is decided mostly by nature.

As my breastfeeding journey is nearing an end, I can safely say I have done my best, and done what I can. I may not have been a milk fountain, and my baby may not look like a Michelin tyre mascot, but I have done my best. And it has been a wonderful time of bonding.

In a way, I’m thankful that I can stop the constant worry over the last two months that we might run out of milk (and then what can she drink???).

I’m also getting pretty excited as we now start preparations in anticipation of weaning and starting Little Foot on solid food (read: bought many things).

The day of returning to beer, coffee and spicy food is near. Yay!

To all mummies and mummies to be, whether it was 1 drop, 1 day, 1 week, or a Kallang river of milk, whatever we can give, we have given. Don’t feel bad about peer pressure, and definitely don’t feel pressured to the point of eating any damn thing that is touted as a milk booster. Quality over quantity. That’s what I will continue to advise anyone who asks. I learnt it the hard way when I took Fenugreek and only realised weeks later that it was one of the culprits that made Little Foot’s stomachache worse (if not the root cause).

To drive the point home – my mother never breastfed me, but that had never hindered my connection and relationship with her. Life is more than just milk. Anyway, by 18 months when they are of playgroup age, we won’t be comparing milk anymore, but what sort of “enrichment” classes our bubs are signed up for, and milk will be just a distant memory.

A little lock of hair

April 6, 2015May 25, 2016alittlefootprint Leave a comment

Our precious Little Foot has reached her fourth month milestone.

For some, the 4-month milestone is marked by biscuit necklaces, drumstick tasting and some other traditional rituals.

Since both sets of grandparents said there was no need to do these, but only said to get her shaved, it is a quiet day. A day that started out with an overflowing diaper, and then filled with a sweaty baby that refuses to take her naps or have a good full drink of milk. The usual routine more or less.

It leaves me with some time to think of how she has grown, and all the little and big milestones we have had since we first met the night of 6 Dec 2014. (As I write this, I’m listening to SNSD’s “Dear Mom” and about to choke on the sourish feeling in my throat).

My baby is much more smiley these days. I say “Yeeeeaaaah!” and she would grin back (most of the time). She’s starting to plaster more to me these days. Her intense eyes, unblinking, would follow my movement around the room, as if afraid that I would leave her, even for awhile. She still has her frequent grumpy moments, especially on bloated tummy days. She’s still difficult to put to sleep. And few days ago, we spotted the first signs of a tooth peeking out… sighh, moving on to more milestones.

I love every part of her, her QQ cheeks, her baby hands and baby feet, the small dimple she has when she smiles, those intense eyes that would enlarge as much as she can to look and stare, the knitted brows when she frown, the baby smell she still carries with her, the softness of her scanty baby hair which I had refused to shave when she was one month old. Even the way she cries… like a sputtering engine before launching into a full volume cry, her horse kicks and “taxi flagging” arm motions. I could go on and on.

We have received so much compliments about her cuteness, that I’m starting to feel a little “yaya papaya” these days. Strangers would walk past and remark “So cute!”.

Four month old is a ripe young age yes. We’re not in a hurry for her to grow up. Her babyness is really like sand that is slipping through my fingers, but I’m overjoyed whenever she reaches a new milestone.

So to mark this special day, I cut a little lock of her hair, for my keepsake (adding on to the evergrowing amount of her baby things that I am hoarding). Still deliberating if we should shave her. I probably will have to, but maybe just drag a few more days. Let me enjoy her sweaty hair for a few more days… the soft touch of her first hairs in my hand when I sayang her to sleep while she latches… all these I will miss. Maybe I could drag on forever. Hah!

Today is the first time I cut a lock of Little Foot’s hair

Daddy's idea of a celebration - letting Emma try his apple. Her first contact with real food.

Her Daddy’s idea of a celebration – letting Little Foot try his apple. Her first contact with real food.

The cogs of the clock will keep turning and turning. Inevitably, we have to stop trying to hold on to the present as it becomes the past, that is when we will be able to enjoy the present that will be the future.

Happy times with Daddy, at Westgate on the eve of her 4th month

Little Foot’s always game to try a new carrier because Mummy loves buying them. Here’s us in a Kokadi Flip. Also on the eve of her 4th month

For now, I stare at the little lock of hair, and I feel tears welling up in me, tears of joy and sorrow all at the same time.

Parenthood is really filled with many many of these dilemmas. You want them to grow up, yet you don’t want them to grow up. I desperately just want to hold on to all the memories.

And perhaps I understand why going senile at old age would be one of the most painful things to encounter, because that would mean losing the past, all the precious memories that we take a lifetime to store.

Thank you Mr Lee

March 23, 2015March 23, 2015alittlefootprint Leave a comment

Today, many of us woke up to hear of the passing of Mr Lee Kuan Yew. Our first Prime Minister, the man whom we were in awe of, and at times in fear of, the man who transformed this little Red Dot and placed it on the world map. Cliches maybe, but undeniable that we cannot be what we are today without the man’s vision and leadership.

While in primary school, the year Mr Goh Chok Tong became our second prime minister, our English teacher had asked us to guess how many prime ministers Singapore had had. I guessed a hundred. Only when she said this is our second prime minister that I realised how young a nation we were, and how everything was not always the way it was. Over the years, this episode would resurface in my mind many times, as I encounter people who take all these we enjoy for granted, when only two generations ago, life was not so cushy.

The most recent time I appreciated our achievements was when my sister told me her helper was my age. All the “what ifs” flooded my mind. What if I wasn’t born in Singapore? What sort of life would I be leading? What if we had gone through with the Merger? What would we be today? I counted my lucky stars each time I encountered those who had less than me simply because they were born in a different place. The Singapore we live in today is a safe haven for children, women, and people from all walks of life and all skin colour to live and to dream, and to realise their dreams.

Perhaps as Singaporeans we have taken all these we enjoy for granted and as time passes by, and the memories of post-war rebuilding and the struggle for independence fade with each generation’s passing. People start to see what they enjoy as a given, and an entitlement.

Singaporeans know him, yet know not enough of him. Most are not familiar with Mr Lee’s insightfulness and strategies, the diplomat that he was, the amount of respect he garnered all over the world whenever he spoke. The sort of podium power he had on the international fora, the sort of footprints he left which paved the way for us. The world knew us because he walked ahead. That the world mourns with us today is testament to the impact he has left.

He inspired a generation of Singaporeans to stand on their own feet, strive for a future with their own two hands. As a nation, we did not need sympathy or handouts. As Singaporeans, our parents and grandparents took the same stance, valuing hard work, frowning on laziness and self-pity.In a region where things were complicated, we were clean. You didn’t need to provide coffee money to do anything here. In a region where minorities were side-stepped, the ideas of Mr Lee and the Old Guards allowed all Singaporeans to dream, and know that we can live that dream, and there is good chance of realising that dream.

We speak to our grandparents and they speak of Mr Lee with much gratitude. Speak to the younger generation, and sadly, there are some among them quick to pick on the policies of his time (sometimes without full understanding and knowledge). As Gen Y, I appreciate this place we call home. Even on bad days when dreams become hazy,things get trying, when the future looks bleak, I appreciate that this is a place where women and children are safe, where we have to have campaigns like “low crime doesn’t mean no crime” while our friends elsewhere worry about their lives each time they walk out of their front doors. I appreciate that in times when whole countries could go bankrupt, it was the prudence of the government that he built that saw us smooth-sail it through those storms and emerge unscathed.

Mr Lee has led a long and fulfilling life. I think it has been a tiring one, when there was a period that a whole nation depended on you. Imagine, being the breadwinner of a small family is already tiring, let alone being the father figure steering and spurring a whole nation. He could have used that brain and that leadership elsewhere, make big bucks lead a life of comfort, but he chose to dedicate his life to building this country, and working for a different bottom line. I wonder, if at the end, when he breathed his last, Singapore’s future continued to be on his mind, or maybe he was just glad to finally rest and be reunited with Mrs Lee.

Death is such a painful finality. Singapore will have to learn to stride on without Mr Lee, because the pragmatic side of him would have said to do so. Our hearts are with PM Lee. He lost his father and his mentor. As times change, so do policies. What he chose, he chose what he thought was best at that point in time.

He left us a lasting legacy, a nation we call home and proud of it. Hopefully, we will learn to look at ourselves again as one people, one nation, one Singapore and give up on the complaining, nitpicking and armchair critiquing. In death, the nation comes together again as one united people.

Thank You, Mr Lee, for the lifetime of work building our home, a safe haven, where I could dream big dreams and reach for the stars. A safe haven where I can start my own family, and safely bring up my child. A place where she is allowed to grow up with dreams that can be fulfilled and potentials that can be realised. This is Singapore, the place our grandparents and parents built together with you, because you believed and you led by example. Thank you.

My obssessions with baby carriers

March 18, 2015May 27, 2016alittlefootprint 13 Comments

I’m starting to earn quite a rep among my mummy friends (and I’m not sure it’s a good thing really), for having this obsession with babywearing. Overall, of all the different modes of babywearing, my personal preference is to use a carrier. (Babywearers refer to them as soft-structured carriers (SSCs)). Since I’ve had quite a few people ask me how I felt about them, I thought it’d be nice to pen my thoughts down, especially as each mode of carrying and each wrap and carrier added their own little fond memories to my memory bank of Little Foot’s journey.

Ring Sling

My babywearing stash started humbly with the purchase of a second-hand The Birth Shop ring sling. I was intending to buy a nursing pillow from this mama, but since she had a $10 good deal on the ring sling, I got it too, with the encouragement of my supermummy sister (she’s a mother of three). This ring sling, I only ever tried twice, and like many amateurs, I cradle carried Little Foot in it (a big no no according to the babywearing police). I didn’t use it again after one outing in it, since both Little Foot and I were not really comfortable. A ring sling works for many and is supposed to be fast in, fast out for the baby, but it didn’t work for me because I have a lower back issue and still recovering slowly from the epidural. Worse, I kept thinking she was going to fall out, and spent most of the time cradling her with the ring sling in my arms. I might as well have removed the cloth.

Here’s me trying the ring sling while in confinement. Then, I was not aware that cradle carry posed certain dangers to babies.

K’tan Wrap Carrier (I call it the cheater’s wrap)

As we inched towards third trimester, I remembered a church friend always carrying her little one so snugly while she attended Sunday Mass, and I wanted that kind of closeness with my baby girl. So I did a little bit of research online and came across the Baby K’tan Carrier. I wanted to wrap, but did not want the complications of wrapping (Ok, I’m lazy). The K’tan was the answer. With luck, the only online store (Nursing Muslimah) that brought this into Singapore from US was taking pre-orders and it arrived just before Little Foot was born. The K’tan became a very special piece to me. I still remember that warm and fuzzy feeling I had when I first used it to carry Little Foot to the polyclinic for her jaundice tests. She was a few days old, and looked so adorable wearing the matching little hat, mittens, and romper from Carters. Thinking of that moment still brings a lump to my throat. She was so small, and I wanted to protect her from the world. The K’tan helped me do that. It was like she was back in my tummy again as she snuggled against my chest.

20141215_150629 Carrying fragile little baby to the Polyclinic in the K’tan. She was only a few days old.

So far, I have tried two different ways of carrying Little Foot in it. It is our special piece, and comes with a lot of sleepy dust for her during her early days. I like that it is designed to be sort of a idiot proof version of a wrap and is poppable. I can take baby in and out easily, and there isn’t a lot of cloth to deal with while we’re out. I also like that the material is so soft and airy (I got the K’tan Breeze).

I like how discreet and understated the K’tan is. At one glance, it looked like a normal blouse I would wear.

Soft-structured Carriers (my current craze)

We bought the Baby Bjorn One from Amazon during Black Friday sale also before I delivered. At my insistence, Long purchased it, and he is now an ardent fan of it. He calls it “his carrier”, which means he uses it exclusively while he tries very hard to reject my offers to wear the other carriers which I use. I used it twice, and my verdict it that it was designed for bigger and taller folks, hence the men love it. It carries too low for me and is too loose, even when tightened all the way. While this version of the Bjorn has ironed out the issue of the earlier version with narrow seat which babywearers and doctors claim can can cause hip dysplasia, this one continued to allow front-facing (again I hear growls from the babywearing police). Infants are not meant to front-face as it strains the baby’s spine which is in a C shape prior to them learning how to sit up, stand and walk, which they then start developing the S shape. I have no issue with Long using it, but I have warned him not to attempt to front-face our baby. Not yet. He can try it when she’s a toddler. Plus point of this carrier is the mesh material, which is lightweight and airy. It’s also relatively easy to wear and put baby in. Long especially loves the colour. Silver, which we decided to get instead of the boring black.

20150119_113129 One of the two times I wore the Bjorn One.

Somewhere in my stash is also an Ergobaby Original, which is a handmedown from my supermummy sister. Unfortunately, at 3 mth old, we have not been able to get into it successfully. Without an infant insert, which will be too much to bear for our sweaty baby, I tried the towel insert, which is a hack that YouTube taught. After two attempts, each with loud, angry crying from Little Foot, we gave up. So I have no verdict on the Ergo, but IMHO, I feel mummies should not try that towel hack. I noted the panel’s quite big, which means your baby could shift around in the carrier and there’s lack of support for the spine. Remember the baby’s spine is still very fragile, and I prefer zero risks when it comes to my only child. So I’m returning it without trying it.

With an emergency visit to Baby Slings and Carriers prior to our helper going on urgent home leave, I got the Boba 4G carrier and the Je’ porte Mon Bebe stretchy wrap.

At this stage, Little Foot was in her colicky stage and I needed something for my sanity while I cared for her alone (bearing in mind my bad back). I tried the Manduca and the Cat Bird Baby there, but Little Foot didn’t cry in the Boba 4G carrier so I got that. It came highly recommended by another Dec mummy, and she sure was right. This became the next sleepy dust carrier for Little Foot after the K’tan. I remember that one evening she refused to nap, refused to lay down, I put her into the carrier and we took a walk downstairs. We even sat on the swing at the nearby playground. I was an emotional wreck that evening with a baby who didn’t want to sleep… so there, me with baby in carrier and Long on the other swing, I managed to voice out my frustrations, my worries, and let off steam. And she slept soundly. It brought a lot of relief to me, and I loved how she would peep out from under the hood whenever I used it to shield her from the sun and the winds. I also like the neat little pocket at the waist band, that I could put an atm card and a few dollar notes in it. It was the carrier that I used that week of no help, so I could go get my lunch at the coffeeshop / market. And it was the only carrier which I could extract Little Foot without waking her up (upside-down turtle style).

Lotsa happy sleepy moments with the Boba 4G… I always felt it saved my sanity at the peak of the colic attacks.

As I was reading about Tulas and other more atas carriers than those you usually see at baby fairs and Mothercare, I chanced upon some forum thread mentioning the Kinderpack (KP) being the solution for those who wanted something even better than the Tula (in my mind I was like if the Tula was like the Prada of SSCs, then what would this be??). When I wanted to buy it I was stumped. Why is it not sold anywhere? It took weeks of reading after joining the Kinderpack Chatter and BST Facebook group, to learn quickly that the demand greatly outweighed the supply for good reason. There was so much rave reviews about it, the prints were so good looking, and Kindercarry only had four people sewing these. I was sucked into it. I had to get my hands on one. I tried getting one on stocking days (failed in four attempts so far, overslept for some of the stocking days). I PMed several sellers who listed FSOs or FSOTs without success, when those I wanted in the right size (infant/standard) were listed, they were either too expensive (going sometimes at more than double the retail value of $179USD), or they were gone in a flash. Finally I had some luck with one that was not sky-high price and in a print I loved. The lady in US got my PM within minutes of posting. And in the next hour, I had accepted her paypal invoice and paid for it. Then I waited and waited… just as I was about to resigned to the idea that Stinkpost or whoever was handling my priority first class airmail may have swallowed my beloved KP, my mailbox was stuffed with a fat parcel so full I had problems pulling it out of my letter box. It was love! Little Foot loved being carried in this, to the point she has since frowned on the Boba (her legs are currently too long to “squat” position in the Boba, but too short to dangle out comfortably for the M shape). And she looked so cute in it, we had a lot of “Aww…she so small…she so cute!” at Sentosa during our staycation. As many KP fans testified, it was the carrier I can carry her for hours without feeling like my back was numb or going to break into two. No shoulder aches either. The only downside is that there’s no pocket for money or cards. So I carried a small sling with it. Today, we still continue to use this when we go out… and I convinced Long to try it last week too. I’m so in love with the prints and the comfort that I’ve just landed another one in standard/standard of the bst page, just coz it’s in a print that I super love. Looking forward to seeing my mailbox stuffed again.

I actually have a Tula (in cute rockets design!) that I bought on impulse. It happened the first time I failed to score a KP, and I was like, “Ok, Tula’s got that print, I’ll just get that. Take that Kindercarry!”. People don’t really think very straight at 2.30am especially after being chronically lack of sleep for a couple of months. It’s still hidden in my wardrobe. I will give a verdict on it when Little Foot becomes big enough to fit in it. It requires an infant insert for younger babies, and nope, not going to try that in this weather. The husband is going to choke when he sees it.

Woven Wraps

The Je’ porte Mon Bebe Stretchy Wrap, was an accidental find. The salesguy at Baby Slings and Carriers offered to let me try it although I had already tried 3 SSCs, and it was so bouncy and comfy, and much easier to wrap then I expected. So I got it. Had some successful and some not-so-successful wrapping sessions with this one. That week of no help, I used it to carry her to KKH for her physio session. She hardly made a fuss and slept in it after the physio. I like that it was poppable. I could pull her out and put her back without retying. That was the occasion she slept while I had dinner with my mum and I dropped teriyaki sauce on her head (oops!). There were evenings that I tried wrapping her in it while she was fussing, and failed. One of the downsides of this wrap is the material. in order to hold the weight and stretch, it was thick, and hence little too hot for comfort. Everytime after use, both of us would have out tees soaked through. And it can only hold up to 14kg, so the lifespan would be shorter than woven wraps and most SSCs.

After trying the stretchy wrap, I became more open to the idea of wrapping. The amount of beautiful (and some seriously expensive) woven wraps on Babywearing Singapore and it’s sister Swap and Library Facebook pages were constantly tempting me to try wrapping out. So I did.

In one week, I bought 3 woven wraps, all preloved in excellent condition from very friendly mamas on the SG Babywearing Swap & Library (enter at your own risk!).

Vatanai Unalaska Sz 4 – This attracted me with its whales and reminded me of the sun, sand and sea I loved so much and missed dearly.
Cloth of Kin ‘Happy’ Sz 5 – I read a little about handwoven wraps, awesome but exorbitant. So when this was posted at a good price, I jumped. This was the only cloth I bought in my base size (Size 5), and I used when I took a consultation session on wrapping with Nurjanna from Jars of Fluff (had a great consultation session with her, and learned Front Wrap Cross Carry (FWCC) and Ring Slinging from her).
Didymos Indio Aurora Sz 4 – I fell in love with the colours of this cloth when I first saw it online. Took awhile stalking “for sale” posts before I finally got this one. I do wish it was a Size 5 though.

My one and only attempt to wrap Little Foot (this is the Cloth of Kin)

My take…

For the love of our babies, we babywear.

We want to have that skin-to-skin and a lot of contact with them. It helps them emotionally, it supposedly helps colicky babies too. My search for a carrier stemmed first from the desire and promise to be close to my Little Foot when she arrived in this world. Later on, it evolved into our quest for a way to soothe her and get her to sleep as she started having colic and reflux, and absolutely refused to be put down for long hours. My back was hurting, my arms were aching and babywearing was a solution for me.

When I tried carriers at the brick & mortar shops, if she wailed even after I had walked around for awhile, I put that carrier back. If she couldn’t settle down in it, it’s not suitable for us, even if it didn’t hurt my back, or even if it came with a hefty price tag. The only risk I took was the KP, and luckily that paid off.

As for wrapping, I am still in two minds about it. Lazy I am, and Little Foot has no patience most days. I don’t get much encouragement whenever I attempt to do FWCC. It just looked so troublesome to the people around me. We’ll probably give it a few more tries, but deep down, I’m quite happy to stick to the SSCs. It would saves me spending hundreds of dollars on cloths (which I still can’t quite accept).

Babywearing is really a very personal decision, and what suits you may not suit me, and vice versa. All that matters is having a happy and safe baby while providing some sanity to mummy and daddy. Of course, some, like Long will feel that having one carrier will do, but he’s the guy with only 1 pair of working shoes (and 1 spare for rainy days), while I’m the one with the floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall cabinet of shoes. I guess I’m prone to excesses when it comes to some things. This babywearing period won’t last forever, and I’m going to just enjoy every chance I get.

And yes, the husband is going to continue to accuse me of baby-hogging 😉

Afternote: I have another Kinderpack, one Kokadi Flip carrier, two more Tula carriers, one Lenny Lamb carrier and a Kokadi wrap enroute from various parts of the world to my mailbox. Now, which of my Ferragamo shoes to sell, or should I sell a bag or two, to fund this obsession?

#10 Weeks – On colic, tears, milk and most of all, love

February 14, 2015May 25, 2016alittlefootprint Leave a comment

Today, my baby is 10 weeks old. Yes, 70 ripe days old.

It’s been 70 days since we checked in to KKH and started the whole process of bringing her out into this world. As the days went by, all the memories of my not-so-pain labour is starting to feel like a past life.

Shortly after her party, Little Foot started having bad tummy aches. She’d cry so fiercely at certain pockets of the day, her tummy was bloated… it was a repeated cycle, and she didn’t sleep well at night.

Trying times…

We found ourselves sitting and carrying her to sleep on our chest for hours on end. Yes, the husband is really resilient… he does it AND still goes to work.

We celebrated every fart and poopoo sessions of hers, and we tried our best to assist when that didn’t happen.

Baby massage, Ruyi Oil, doing “cycling” with her legs, wearing tummy binders, examining my diet and eliminating the suspects, changing milk bottles, changing formula milk, seeing 2 PDs… you name it, we’ve done it.

So to all those with the oh-so-wise suggestions, don’t tell me that I should try this and that. My inner voice is screaming, “Dammit! I’ve done it and more, so just leave us alone already!”. Oh yes, people like to point out the obvious. Yes, I know my baby has phlegm. I am not deaf, thank you. Would you believe I even sounded like a hysterical mad woman telling the PD that people outside are ALL telling me my daughter has phlegm and is seriously having trouble breathing? Obviously the judging look that followed from the PD thereafter shut me up.

It’s colic and maybe coupled with reflux. The soundest and most honest advice from our PDs is to “ride it out”.

Today, we still battle with this colic situation, but maybe we’re more in control of our emotions. Or at least I am trying. Papa Long has always been a cool cucumber. He just has to help me control my emotions on bad days.

Today, Little Foot still doesn’t want to lie down to sleep… So we’ve let her sleep in our bed.

I’ve somehow found a way to breastfeed her fully this week, partly due to having no help for the week and there was simply no time to pump for 35 mins 3 hourly, and then wash and sterilise bottles.

I’ve also discovered the world of carriers and wraps. Some of the soundest sleeps I’ve seen her take is in the stretchy wrap and the Baby K’tan carriers. She takes to the Boba 4G too, ready to sit in it and falls asleep in it in a short span of time.

Baby, I can’t cure you, but the world of carriers and wraps have allowed me to alleviate that pain somewhat, and help you get some of those much needed sleep. I’ve also decided to throw all those “you need to let her self-soothe” advice out of the window. I’d carry you till my arms break if it means you stop being in pain.

We’ll ride this out together, and I will really continue to pray very hard that this whole colic episode will go away soon.

The deepest hurt is seeing the one you love in pain. We’ve cried a lot together over this… but I have to be strong for you.

It’s been a trying period, but nevertheless, Happy 10 weeks my Little Foot. I can’t find the right words to express how much I love you and am thankful that you came into my life.

Get well soon, baby.

Empty Stomach

December 14, 2014May 25, 2016alittlefootprint Leave a comment

Yesterday, I had the chance to finally wash my hair and lather my body. The Chinese confinement month wasn’t over, but since mum said ok, as long as I finish up with the herbal bath, I went ahead. While in the shower, as I started to get all emo as I looked down at my now empty stomach. What used to be a round ball, has been replaced with a 20cm wound and a bit of flabs. I started to cry… because I missed our shower routine which I started sometime near the end of 2nd trimester. Then, Little Foot inside my belly would start fidgeting when the shower water reached my tummy, and I would sing her Itsy Bitsy Spider together with some hand movements over the tummy to calm her down. Now, there’s no need to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider when I shower anymore, and the silence in the bathroom sure is deafening. I cried and sang the song one last time… to the empty bathroom.

Little Foot still loves the song when I sing it to her. I am hoping that she subconsciously remembers it, and all the other little routines I have created for her when I was expecting her.

This deep sense of detachment from baby after delivery, I think only mummies can tell you how it feels. I used to be like “ok, I can’t wait to get her out”, but now I wish, I just wish, we were going for our dates together again, whether it was a walk to the MRT station, a shopping trip down at Orchard, or taking a car ride or watching The Voice together.

9.5 months felt really long when going through it but now, I am thankful that I had all that time with my baby exclusively. Long consoled me yesterday, and also kindly said, “you can’t hog baby…gotta share with us!”

I’m thankful for an understanding husband… Thankful that this is the only kind of post-natal emotions that I have… no depression, no anger. God has been kind to us.

And now, baby is 8 days old. I’m a proud mummy, sharing the photo of her smile I managed to capture this morning.

Love my little family to bits.

Day 6 …. caving in to the bottle

December 11, 2014May 25, 2016alittlefootprint Leave a comment

Our dearest Little Foot arrived on 6 Dec 2014, weighing in at 2.645kg and 47cm.

Went through an emergency Cesarean Section after we got stuck at 4cm dilation from 5pm onwards, after inducing the birth, breaking the water bag, and starting the epidural at 920am.

Haven’t blogged since the birth. As you can imagine, her arrival was so much joy and then subsequently a lot of adjusting and attending to her needs.

I wish I could say I am coping well. I actually thought I was coping well… since I wasn’t really shagged out with the frequent waking up, and am happy to nurse her as often as she needed. I wasn’t getting all moody and cranky like some women would after delivery. Yet sadly, my milk supply doesn’t seem to be enough. The jaundice is creeping up on her, and we’re going for a 2nd follow-up at the polyclinic for that in few hours’ time. The last visit, the doc suggested that she wasn’t having enough milk.

Last night, she bit me…. I guess her appetite increased, but my milk supply didn’t. And so we caved in and agreed to feed her the bottle, with the 1/2 ounce that I managed to pump out in between her feeds. She wiped that out in 5 seconds, and then looked at us for more. I never thought I’d obsess over this, but it was a heart-wrenching moment saying, “Ok, give her the formula milk”.

So we caved in to the bottle and we caved in to supplementing with formula milk.

I guess whatever is best for baby is the right decision, but I just woke up at 3am to cry. It’s the hormones I swear… but I really truly miss her. With the bottle, she can now sleep in her own room with the confinement lady, instead of beside us in her cot. I miss the tiny precious presence in my room, breathing in the same space. I miss sitting up despite the pain from the stitches just to see her angelic face sleeping soundly.

It’s only Day 6, and I’m already going all emo over our little girl, the little girl that the gynae pulled out of my stomach and made me stream tears of joy when i heard her kitten-like cry for the first time while lying on that cold table paralysed chest down by epidural. It’s only been less than a week since I was lying down in the delivery suite hoping for the dilation to happen and to meet her soon… praying and crying with Long when it didn’t happen and we decided to do the C-Section with the gynae’s advice.

All those moments are getting fuzzy as we start adjusting to life as three. I just hope that courage and wisdom will continue to stay with me as I learn to override my emotions and make the best choices for baby Emma.

I just went to check on Little Foot who was feeding from the bottle in the living room before I started blogging, I guess I have to learn to not obsess about it and learn to let the confinement lady take care of her at night too. Hopefully I’ll have milk in the day for her and we can play in the day.

One day baby, you will talk back to me, even bitch at me like how I do with my own mother at times when she gets into ridiculous mode… One day you will tell me to set you free into the world to be an adult and just watch you soar from afar… The day will come when you give me heartaches when you choose your friends and then a special someone over your mummy and daddy. When that day comes, I will try to remember you in your first weeks of life, all angelic and so cute, we both kept remarking that we can’t believe we created someone so cute and perfect.

I guess I now understand a mother’s love… the love that makes me spring out of bed, ignoring the pains from the operation wound the moment I hear a squeak from your cot, the love that makes me say “I can do this”, when she cries for milk, even when I’m sore all over. The love that made me not swear or push you away because you bit me… the love that made me say “Make sure you choose her over me if something goes wrong in the operating theatre and you have to make a decision”.

Love you to the moon and back, my Little Foot…. and maybe even more than that.

I won’t forget all the dates we had while you were in my tummy for 38 weeks. Thank you for giving me a new perspective on life…thank you for being so brave during the 12.5 hours labour.

This is it…

December 5, 2014May 25, 2016alittlefootprint Leave a comment

To my dearest Little Foot,

Today Mummy and Daddy went to the hospital to see the gynae. Finally Dr Teo is back. He told us you are ready to come anytime now after some checks which was a little painful.

So we shall be checking in tonight after midnight to the delivery ward… this means that if all goes well, by this time tomorrow, you will be out of my tummy and in my arms. We can finally meet you face-to-face, hug you and kiss you.

To be honest, I’m scared. If the pain is going to be 10x worse than what I felt this afternoon, it will be too excruciating.

And I’m scared too, of all the “what ifs”…

So I’m writing you this note, a little note to tell you how much I loved you from the first time I knew you existed inside me. the warm fuzzy feelings that you have given me, the side of me and Daddy that you have brought out since you came into our lives as a little black spot on the ultrasound screen. It has been an amazing journey.

I wish for you a peaceful and smooth sailing life.

I wish for you good health and happiness always.

I wish for you a good-natured temper just like your Dad’s.

I wish for you all of God’s blessings, with Mother Mary and all the angels and saints watching over you as you sleep each night, as you take your first steps, as you grow into a bright-eyed young woman, as you venture into life and embrace it.

I wish for you never to lose awe of the wonders of God’s work in this world… to always see the positive and the good in all things that come your way.

I wish for you true grit in life, just as I have, so that you will never give up on what’s important to you even when faced with setbacks and disappointments.

I wish for you a big heart, kindness and empathy, that you will learn to spread God’s love around you.

And I wish for you simplicity. Never be like me who think too much, just be like Daddy, who takes everything in his stride.

Life is unpredictable my baby, and that’s why I nicknamed you Little Foot. I hope that you will be just like the Little Foot in The Land Before Time, who never lost his true nature, never turned back on his friends, never gave up.

I’ll see you soon my dearest daughter. I pray that you will be a good child of Jesus, be a good child of ours, and a good girl to this world.

Remember this love that we have for you my baby…. I hope that when you grow up, you will find the courage to go where your heart leads you.

I love you, to the end of the world and back. Always.

With Love,

Mummy J

A world without sugar

November 19, 2014alittlefootprint Leave a comment

It has been more than five weeks of having to stare sadly through bakery windows, walking past fast food joints where people polish off burgers and fried chicken, feeling angry that I can’t have a proper cup of Coffee, not being able to drink any soft drink I like, hanging my head each time I walk past a Ramen shop, wishing I could have a cup of bubble tea, forlornly looking at the ice-cream carts along the roads, and politely explaining to people why I have to reject their offer of potato chips…the list goes on. I’ve had many emotional moments, when I asked God, “Why me?”, when I feel like throwing a fit because I don’t have a good answer to “what do you want to eat?” when the reality is to only care about “what CAN I eat?”.

The only part I’m grateful about in this whole episode is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for me. I’m hopeful that I’m one of the “most people” who will not be diabetic anymore after giving birth. Compared to the many out there who carry the ailment permanently, some born with it, some diagnosed in mid-life with it, I should still count my blessings.

Having to go through this phase in my life, it has opened my eyes to a whole new perspective, and experience what some go through their entire lives.

After enduring three weeks of eating the same food with the diet plan (including attempting to cook for myself food that tastes like cardboard and soups that tastes like plain water) I have scoured the Internet to make the remaining weeks of my 3rd trimester bearable… diabetic patients surely have a way out somehow!

Sadly, I have to say, Singapore seems slow in becoming a diabetic-friendly place. There isn’t a dedicated sugar-free section in our supermarkets. There are no signs either that say “suitable for diabetics”. In fact, most do not carry sugar-free products beyond sweets like Ricola. It is a sad state of affairs.

There are however some who are on a quest like me and had decided to do something about it… bringing in and/or producing foods that will light up a deprived soul’s eyes and warm the heart.
Approaching these shops, I had the feeling of a kid approaching M&Ms land… so over the moon, I wanted to grab everything within reach! (That was probably how Hansel and Gretel felt at the candy house).

To the people behind these shops and brands, thank you for making a difference… and I hope Singapore food importers and producers will finally awaken to this market. It is niche, but don’t neglect this group… since a Report in the Straits Times in 2012 reported that there would likely be 1 million diabetics in Singapore by 2050. That’s not even counting the mummies like me who go through Gestational Diabetes during pregnancy.

This whole experience was a chance for me to be more aware of the feelings of those who can’t eat as they wished. I no longer have to imagine how one felt whenever friends posted photos of their cafe hopping sessions and dining delicacies on Facebook and Instagram, food that are forbidden. I know how they feel now. And let’s just put it simply – it sucks.

Anyway to share the list I’ve found so far, here goes:

SHOPS/BRANDS WITH A HEART FOR DIABETIC PATIENTS

I will try to continue to add on to this list, even after my recovery. Hopefully, it will provide a rainbow of hope to all pregnant ladies in Singapore who are diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.

alittlefootprint

Journalling parenthood, one footprint at a time

Author: alittlefootprint