This weekend,  Little Foot will turn One.

The turning point where she officially becomes a toddler and leaves babyhood behind. Bittersweet feeling for Mummy.

We spent the last weekend battling fever with her… and then this week finishing up the preparations for the big party. Today we also celebrated papa Long’s birthday. I hardly had time to reflect.

I still remember the first remarks from Dr Teo when she was pulled out from my tummy (since it was a Caesarean delivery) – “Joy, your baby girl is very calm”.

I remember lying there on that cold operating table missing my husband while I waited for the nurses to clean her up and show her to me. I could hear them counting her fingers and toes.

And then they finally brought her to my side and our cheeks touched, and I said “Hello, baby” that feeling of so much relief, so much happiness, so much sadness (that Papa Long couldn’t be there with us)…it was all so overwhelming. I will always remember that. And it always brings me to tears.

And from there, we started this amazing journey called Parenthood. I’d be lying blatantly if I said it was all so blissful and happy. I can’t explain, but it’s all still so amazing to me, even with pain and tears in the package.

There were all the milk woes at the beginning. Too little milk…engorgement… rejected direct latching after milk bottles were introduced… rejected milk bottles at 40 days old… pumps don’t work…. bloatedness from formula milk.

Then there was the colic nightmare that turned our angelic, calm baby into a bloated baby that refused to be put down.

And then the constipation when we started weaning, followed by stomach flu… some days I worried so much for you, I would cry while you cried.

There were all those happy times too.  I loved all the times you clung to me… how you would go to sleep in the carseat in the living room… your love for certain toys… I loved the way your eyes would search for me in the room as your vision got clearer.. I remembered your tummy times, the neck exercises, the way you tried to flip and then could only flip to your left…the excited you in the exersaucer, the snuggly baby in the carriers, your feet kicking leisurely while you sat in the bumbo …. the zoom zoom baby in the walker, the splashing baby in the bath tub, most of all, every night spent sleeping beside me.

I have no regrets my darling, taking time off from work… I managed to witness so much of your babyhood. I’m amazed that your sprouted under my nose and in my eyes you seemed to have always been the same. I only see the difference when I look through the few thousand photos I’ve taken of you.

I ask myself a lot “where has all the time gone?”… whenever I see photos of your early days.

This weekend, you will turn one. And then, in the blink of an eye, you will grow up… be a school-going kid, reach teenage years, be an adult, maybe be a mother like me… you will spread your wings and leave my side one day.

I know we can’t hold on to you forever, yet for now, in the last moments of your babyhood, I do secretly wish I can hold on to you forever… in mummy’s heart, you will always be that perfect fit for me baby. The one who completed me, the one who carried traits of both your papa and mummy in your actions and demeanour.  The one who melts away all pain… the one we loved so deeply even before we even cast our eyes on your face.

I know many say toddlers years will be trying… terrible 2 and horrible 3. Mummy still look forward to being there with you through it all. I hope you’ll always remember how I am your original best friend.

Don’t grow up too fast my baby… take your time, smell the flowers along the way in life’s journey, pace yourself.

Ahead of time, I wish you health and happiness always, and may you always live in God’s grace.

Thank you for being our baby.