I’ve been having a very bad back since yesterday, and feeling rather unwell (bloated and breathless) the whole week. Last night really got so bad, I was trying to rub my back the whole night whenever the ache woke me up. It felt like I was full of wind everyday.

After half a day offsite for a meeting, was told I need not be there anymore. What a relief… I took cab there and back. Back home, I decided enough was enough. Even if a massage in Singapore really costs a bomb these days, I really needed a break from the pain and bloated feeling. Google threw up a couple of “best prenatal massage” reviews, and I saw that this Babies Bellies was at Novena Square 2 (wow! there’s a pre/post-natal massage so near my office and I didn’t realise?) and the pricing was the most affordable.

Knowing me, I usually don’t got for the cheapest things, but I can’t go far with the backache, and I thought, give it a try. I called and they still had a slot in the late afternoon, so I said ok, let’s do it!

No regrets! I opted for the extended 90-min session (they charge $60 for 60 mins without package) and Sal, the Malay lady who massaged me, really kneaded the knots in my body, and her Javanese style massage really moved the wind that were all clogged up in my lower back and right leg (it felt like rheumatism really). The strength was just nice, gentle yet firm, and there wasn’t a moment that I felt uncomfortable, even at 34 weeks pregnant, she made me comfortable lying down on my side and back for the massage.

Walked out light as a feather, with the ache in the area behind my right knee (my brother calls them the knee-pits) tackled, my neck and shoulders tension loosened, and no more intense ache in my lower back.

Bought a 10-hour package – $550 for 10 hours, that’s how un-gimmicky they are. [ Note: Payment by Nets or Cash only!] and I made my booking for next Friday.More importantly, I made a promise to myself, don’t be so stupid to try to endure the pain again.

Dear Little Foot,

Today’s visit to the gynae was much better. Thank you, for being so cooperative :))

Week 33, Little Foot’s now 2.2kg! Wow, 900grams in 3 weeks! I guess the 3-4 cups of milk a day really helped, even though Mummy didn’t put on weight.

During the ultrasound, I could see you covering your face again. As usual, you’re so bashful… just like Daddy. Ah well, maybe you wanted to play peekaboo? We can do that when you finally come into this world 🙂 The good news is your head’s now down, which means you’re going to spare Mummy the C-section (which I thought was ok really).

Sugar levels are under control. We just have to continue with the boring diet, but I’m sure you’re growing well, because the boring diet is so much healthier than all the food I’ve been eating previously.

Stay safe in my tummy baby… Doc Teo’s going for reservist and will only be back at the beginning of Dec. Don’t come out till he’s back ok?

Mummy’s going to attend Baby Nate’s 1st month party tomorrow. Can’t wait to hold yours too.

Love you always and always and always,

Mummy

Our baby girl has started to hiccup this week. I find it so cute, the gentle hiccupping that is happening almost daily. And I pat my tummy and tell her “it’s ok, it’s just hiccups. No need to worry, it doesn’t hurt you. And Mummy’s here”.

Love is indeed taken to a different spectrum when we prepare to welcome a precious new life into this world. Even Daddy shows a soft side whenever he speaks to the little girl the tummy.

One little footprint at a time, we’re stepping towards parenthood. One little footprint at a time, we’re nearing our first face-to-face date.

It softens us in a way I could never understand in the past. And for now, never mind the craziness in this world, I just want to sit back, relax and feel your hiccups, your little movements, and know you are with me safe and sound.

And here’s the video that moved me to emotional tears, because I wonder, when Little Foot grows up, will she remember the time we spent together all these months while she was inside me? Or would it only be Mummy’s own precious memories, which can never be relived, because our bb is so special…

Being a first time mother is really about being a little blur about everything, so it never occurred to me to ask the gynae what Little Foot’s weight and size is.

I only realised that I’m missing out on measuring her growth progress when I saw the other mummies posting in on our facebook group.

So today, I asked the gynae (rather persistently in fact), how big is baby-nim now, and we have an answer – Little Foot is about 900grams! Looks like our little girl is progressing very well. In fact, she’s turned upside down and in position already :)) Caught a glimpse of her face on screen today. Silly little girl was rolling around too much to see clearly, but I’m glad all is going well and she’s being a normal active baby.

The only downside is my sugar/glucose level seems to be too high again, so I’ll be down for the yucky glucose test in Oct. Not looking forward to it, but let’s just stay positive for now.

I decided to start this blog today, 23 weeks deep into the journey of pregnancy and impending parenthood, replacing the private blog that I have kept journallng my own life. After all, this is about the little one we are expecting, not just about me anymore. 

Today I spent my evening fretting, and I know this will be the first of many to come. That, essentially is what parents do the most – Worry. 

As the plans in my head are starting to unravel and fall apart, I found myself having to start looking at options, and alternative choices, and thinking “what else can I do? what else can work?” 

The issue here? No one to take care of the little one after maternity leave expires. 

Caregiver arrangements in Singapore is rudimentary, ill-thought out most of the time. Society seem to expect grandparents to take on the dirty diapers, or else you could get a domestic helper, or you could try depositing your kids at infant care. The issue here, I finally realise now is that most women here work, and we work very hard. This means, we end up asking others to take care of the duty that should have been ours. 

I’m given 4 months to bond with my baby, and then what? 

Overwhelmed by the hormonal changes, overwhelmed by the fact that everything doesn’t look like a perfect solution, I broke down. Yes, I am also human. 

Still months to go before the EDD in Dec, I have time to think, but I am very much aware that, whatever we choose, the person that is impacted the most would be our baby, and that is something that we cannot risk. 

Parenthood, is full of worries, full of “what ifs”… and I know, this will be one of the first of many major meltdowns to come as we raise the little one. 

P.s. It’s a girl.